I was fortunate to have permissive parents who showered me with love and rarely set boundaries. They prioritized my feelings and desires, often placing them above their own. Late curfews and misbehavior went largely unchecked, as my parents aimed to make me feel valued and important. However, this upbringing left me feeling adrift, lacking the structure needed to confidently navigate life’s challenges.
As I stepped into parenthood, I vowed to strike a different balance. I wanted to be attentive to my children’s emotional needs while instilling respect and responsibility. Like my parents, I poured love and affection onto my kids, dedicating time to play, listen, and offer approval. But my intense desire for them to feel important sometimes led me to neglect my own needs, resulting in a permissive parenting style.
The impact of my upbringing echoed in my children’s entitlement issues. They believed they were more important than others, often lacking empathy and respect. Discipline and self-control became elusive, and frustration weighed heavily on them.
Effective parenting lies in the delicate balance between permissiveness and authority. Loving parents consider both their feelings and their children’s needs. They set clear boundaries while showing empathy and respect. They avoid controlling their children excessively, except in matters of health and safety. Anger, blame, and physical punishment have no place, and manipulation is off-limits. These parents teach values like honesty, integrity, compassion, and empathy.
To become a better parent, I embarked on a journey of self-reflection and therapy. I confronted deep-seated fears and insecurities that unconsciously influenced my parenting. My lack of understanding about boundaries led to permissiveness, and my insecurities pushed me to pressure my children to validate my worth.
To be a truly loving parent, I had to address my own deep-seated fears of rejection and domination. Without this inner work, these fears unconsciously influenced my parenting. Because I grew up fearing rejection or domination, I inadvertently tried to control my children to avoid being controlled or rejected.
This manifested as controlling behavior through anger or excessive permissiveness, driven by a need to secure their love or to avoid being controlled by them. My insecurities also led me to pressure my children to perform in certain ways to validate my own worth.
Healing my inner child—the part of me harboring fears and a desire to avoid rejection—became essential. Unresolved issues from my own childhood surfaced in my interactions with my kids. I realized that personal healing was crucial before embarking on the parenthood journey.
Our society has swung between permissive and authoritarian parenting, yet neither approach fully nurtures well-adjusted individuals. Mental health issues, substance abuse, crime, and incarceration persist. Permissive parenting, especially, can foster entitlement and hinder self-discipline and healthy relationships.
Perhaps it’s time to prioritize personal healing. Balancing empathy with boundaries and respect is key to raising well-rounded, healthy children. Parents must model respectful behavior, providing a consistent and loving environment. Open communication about rules and boundaries helps children internalize values. Experiencing natural consequences teaches accountability and resilience.
In addition to setting boundaries, parents should encourage open dialogue, validating their children’s feelings even while enforcing rules. Parenting is a journey of growth, where addressing our wounds creates confident, respectful, and empathetic children. Love and structure prepare them for life’s challenges, leading to healthier, happier individuals.
Advantages of Having Permissive Parents
Permissive parents, characterized by warmth and responsiveness but low levels of structure and discipline, have both positive and negative aspects. Here, I will mention some advantages of permissive parenting.
Emotional Responsiveness: Permissive parents are emotionally attuned to their children. They encourage self-expression and allow kids to freely share their thoughts and feelings. This emotional responsiveness fosters a strong parent-child bond.
Confidence and Exploration: Children raised by permissive parents often feel more self-assured. They are willing to explore new experiences and take risks, regardless of potential consequences. This confidence can serve them well in various aspects of life.
Secure Attachment: Affectionate and responsive parenting contributes to secure attachment relationships. Children feel loved and valued, which positively impacts their emotional well-being and social interactions.
Natural Consequences: Permissive parents allow natural consequences to unfold. Instead of imposing strict rules, they let children learn from their actions. This approach helps kids understand cause-and-effect relationships.
Reduced Rebellion: By giving children some autonomy and considering their opinions, permissive parents may experience less rebellion. Kids feel respected and are less likely to rebel against authority.
Note that permissive parenting, though well-intentioned, has drawbacks. Finding the middle ground—nurturing emotional well-being while teaching boundaries and responsibility—requires personal healing and self-awareness. Let’s raise resilient, compassionate kids who thrive in a balanced environment .
Naorem Mohen is full time Blogger and helps parent improve their parenting skills, resulting in better relationships with their children. He also provides guidance to individuals and couples to enhance their relationships and communication. Naorem supports people in need to help them in their personal growth, helping them set and achieve meaningful goals.
